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20.04.2010 | Viewed 4813 times |

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If estate agents sold sandwiches

Customer:	Oh hello, I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich please.
Agent:	I see. What sort of budget did you have in mind?
Customer:	Well, I guess about £2.50 but we'd be prepared to go up to £2.95.
Agent:	[condescending smile] Ah, well I'm afraid you won't find anything in that price around here. It's a very sought-after range of sandwiches. Might you consider something in the £11-14 price range? I have some lovely sandwiches around that price.
Customer:	How much?? Oh dear, well that's rather a lot. I supposed I could stretch to £11 for a sandwich. Ham and cheese please.
Agent:	Well, we can offer you this delightful cheese sandwich for £11.75. Ham comes at a premium. If you're after something with ham I'm afraid it might be out of your price range. But this cheese sandwich is very nice indeed. Would you like to look at it and smell it?
Customer:	Right. All right. Mmm, yes that smells nice. Can I have the cheese sandwich please?
Agent:	Certainly. Perhaps you could just fill out this paperwork? We need to see all your bank statements this year, plus references from three other sandwich shops you have bought sandwiches from.
	Fills out paperwork and returns it to the counter.
Customer:	Here is the paperwork and £11.75. Can I have the sandwich please?
Agent:	Oh I'm sorry, it's gone.
Customer:	What??
Agent:	We've given it to someone else. That's how the market goes I'm afraid.
Customer:	Oh no. I wanted that. Can I have a different cheese sandwich?
Agent:	Well we have this one going for £12.20.
Customer:	£12.20? But it's smaller! And the cheese is mouldy!
Agent:	Yes, it does need some work doing, but the owner isn't going to get around to scraping the mould off for the next six months.
Customer:	I'm really quite hungry now. I see you sell lasagne. Can I have a piece of that instead?
Agent:	Oh this slice of lovely hot, fresh lasagne? Yes, unfortunately that belongs to that lady over there.
Customer:	The one sitting at the table with six helpings around her already?
Agent:	Yes, she's keeping that as part of her lunch portfolio, just in case she fancies a snack, so it's not available.
Customer:	Right. What about this sandwich here? The ham and tomato?
Agent:	Oh that's just gone I'm afraid. That's how the market goes I'm afraid.
Customer:	Do you have ANYTHING to eat for under £10??
Agent:	Well, for those customers on a more restricted price range, we do have this range of very well-appointed shit sandwiches at £8.99.
Customer:	Shit sandwiches? Are you kidding??
Agent:	It's a very sought-after area you know. You'll have trouble finding anything else.
Customer:	Right. Fine. I'll just have to make do with that. One shit sandwich please. Here's the money.
Agent:	Oh, there is of course the £7 sandwich bag fee, and an £18 bread surcharge applies as well. That's how the market works.
Customer:	No way!! You want more money??
Agent:	Well it doesn't pay to be too fussy. You may have to settle for something that's not quite what you had dreamed about. You should shop around a bit. Have you tried the sandwich shop next door? They do a nice little range of vomit rolls.
Customer:	Oh I give up!! [storms out of sandwich shop]
Agent:	There's no pleasing some people!